This post is by Michael Pollock, the original owner of Small Business Branding. Yaro Starak now owns and produces the latest content for this blog.
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"The Electrifying, Client Generating Teleclass System That Will Power Your Business To Profits In 90 Days Max!"
What I Don’t Like:
1. Electrifying? Oh please. I can’t tell you how much words like this make me want to kick the writer in the head. Others I deplore include: Shocking. Amazing. Heart-Stopping. Outrageous. Blech, ptooey and bullshit to the whole lot-of-em. Do people really buy this crap? Lose the hype already. Can I get an amen?
2. It’s focused on the product rather than the consumer. It tells what the product will do rather than what I will get.
3. Too generic – "Power your business to profits in 90 days max" is much less compelling than this headline found near the bottom of the page:
"In Just 3 Months, You’ll Have Your Own Private Library Of Profitable Products To Make You Money While You Sleep!"
This headline is compelling, specific, believable and focused on me. Nice. You’d be better off with this as the lead headline.
For more on headlines, check out World Copywriting Blog